JUST TO RELAX BEFORE ME GRASS IS CUT
We all love favourite things. So I have been thinking about some of my favourite TV song lines.
This is what I came up with :-
" Put the wine in the coconut and shake it all up..."

" Welcome to our house, our house, our house. And we hope you will stay"

If anybody knows the TV programme where these song-lines featured then you are as silly as me - but what other song-lines fill our brains and shake those marbles?

LIBERTY IS A DILEMMA THIS WEEKEND
Bugger me the Sun is back and the grass is growing so fast that soon we will be able to feel it growing.
Me missus demands that this weekend we cut the grass.
Thinking quickly for a change I said in response that : the dandelions are growing too and at the same time and place. We cannot cut the dandylions can we? They have feelings too.
Reply from me missus was straight and clear. She said THE GRASS MUST BE CUT AND WITH IT THE DANDELIONS. WHY SHOULD DANDYLIONS HAVE ALL THE FUN.

JAMES BOND ACTS WITH NED KELLY SOMETIMES
The hero is always a kind of anarchist when things get rough.
But let us not forget that "SOCIAL BANDITS" are also worthy souls without the Church.

I NO LONGER KNOW
Where I was born and within justly what ........
All I know tonight is that I am feeling homeless in the sense of birth.

What Happens When....
The shit hits the fan?
Bloody simple : those with their hand near the power controls switch it off.

ANOTHER SILLY SEASIDE THING
The pearl is my oyster....... ( overheard from a Blackpool conference)

HOME THOUGHTS FROM ABROAD
It is reported that some Norfolk and Suffolk folk are catching crabs and then not being able to handle them correctly.
When I was a nipper crabs were a natural part of life.

BLUES RUN THE GAME
Goddamit I woke up this morning
And
Me Anti-Wrinkle cream was gone.

Gloria in Excelsis Deo
Ding dong merrily on high
In my garden the bells are ringing

Yet Another Footnote
Fuck my arse with paper
Wipe my brain with shit
Tell me lies.

ANOTHER FOOTNOTE
Sir Pike the IT "Bissihippi" in waiting.
Bugger me
I have just downloaded a virgin.
And.....
Nobody noticed

NOT A FOOTNOTE TO PLATO
Yehaaa it is Sunday and "WORKERS PLAYTIME"

GEORGE ORWELL RIGHT BEFORE BUT TODAY ......
During "World War 2" Orwell was right to criticise those, like Alex Comfort, who would make public their refusenik-to-war stance.
Today?
Today Orwell would be wrong.
Today, as war seems "inevitable" yet again, we must say NO.
Today we smell those rats already before the nasty event.
Today we have no excuse.Today we must say NO !
Eric Blair would, I suspect, agree today.

BILDUNG AND A CAT
After about two months and more our stray cat kept on going and coming and being at our place. An adventure? Maybe, but for whom?
But today was the day that this little male "ally-cat" was to be clipped and castrated and calmed down.
Last night was the night to try and make sure it was "back home" after certain "agreements" were made.
And there you have it : about 2 hours before the "official clipping of the male brains" there comes a person asking me to help them find their cat for the clipping of.
Excuse me for cutting a long story short but ..........
After two of them searched for the little cat nothing happened. So they came back and asked if I could help.
I said that maybe it would be best if you went away because the cat is scared of you.
They went away.
I went into the small forest and I called.
The little cat came.
I picked it up and "returned" the little thing to the owners.
I think I am already regretting that act.

FREE SWIMMING FOR ALL
The latest Nu-Labor idea. Free swimming for all ( so long as it boosts the UK competition stakes in... well... competitions.
Comments so far include :-
We could have free swimming anyway in rivers or sea, lakes or ponds if it were not for the theft of capitalism for the few. And, if there was not so much shit floating in the sea and filth floating around the waterways and so many people living off cornflakes with a "K". ( Paul Foot Jnr)
This is a good idea. To learn to swim in muddied waters and with a Straw for security is surely a basic need for UK islanders surrounded by threats and wets. ( BNP activist )
I would request then the provision of a rubber suit. ( Merkinist Clubber)
Can we take photographs of all this? ( Trousers Art Museum Trust)

Then this event should be multi-sexual and pluralistic so that a Liberal society is on display for all to see and feel. ( Anti-Whitehouse Society)


What can a good Zola say about all this? ( you guessed it)

WE HAVE NO POTATOES TODAY
The betting is being called off by the big boys. Insider information has given the EU a new sense of hope. Ireland will vote YES to the New and Well Reformed Treaty of the Constitution of the Constitution.
The Rt Con Toni Blair is however not amused and has e-mailed from his own computer to many good Catholics in Ireland calling for a rethink of their faith.
Strange perhaps that, by all reports, the Pope is tickled by all this.

SOME PEOPLE STILL USE THE TELEPHONE
Got a phone call. Asked me to say what I thought of political parties and finance. Gave me a few choices to respond to.
I said that I agreed with everything that was said and.. bollocks.

JUST FOR THE LAUGH
It seems that certain places want me to register with them by internet services whenever I would travel to their beautiful lands.
So here I go : I register thus :-
Bollocks. I care not a pigs fart. Stuff your beautiful lands.
Register that and waste more money on double-checking it.
Bollocks.

BASKING IN THE SUN OF LAPLAND
At 30 degrees C in the sun today and as the flowers grow so fast I take a rest after the long hard winter. I bask in the sun ( would anybody like a picture?).
If it gets cloudy or rains on Thursday I might, just might, consider doing a stroke of work.

NAUSEA LOST AS PARADISE REGAINED
Our garden now springs to life and already it never gets dark.
In our garden we have
green ones and yellow ones,
red ones and yellow ones
And they are not made out of ticky-tacky
And they do not look all the same.

EUROPEAN UNION UPDATE
European Reformists and EU member benders are slowly getting their acts together on the infamous Agricultural Policies.
Finland is asking for Finnish self-sufficiency for milk, beef and spuds which are, of course, the staple diet of the working folk.
Sweden demands chewing tobacco no matter what.
The UK demands its own opium fields and its own gene-modernised hop fields, the staple diet of decision-makers ( remember all UK people are decision-makers today)
Romania is watching all this from the sidelines and smiling.

LAPLAND MEMORIES FROM THE 1970s
The best place to be, when in Utsjöki, was by the bus station around 4. The bus, a kind of post bus cum "people-carrier", carried the spirituals. Drinks were forbidden in Utsjöki and were not for sale unless you went to the one and only hotel called "An Arm and a Leg".
After meeting the bus and getting spiritual I remember something about reindeers and round-ups and a January festival of life and death.
I remember the blood on the snow everywhere.
Do you need a photograph?

COURT ORDER PLACED UPON ZOLA BLOG
And you thought it would never happen!
After repeated complaints from "various" blogophobics a court order has been placed upon your poor Zola.
In future all those "participating" in this blog must :-
a) have a solid insurance - fit for purpose
b) have read the Health and Safety regulations Act 1848
c) show a readiness to inform upon any nasty blogger who writes bad things, and
d) uphold the values of our civilisation

Zola must :-
a) provide proof of all the above mentioned imperitives, and
b) present the blog and bloggers comments to the Inspectorate each and every Friday until further notice.

THE TRICKLE-DOWN EFFECT
As Capitalism "equalises all value" the big boys and girls get out to play and that play trickles down, down deeper and down.
From the so called academic professors of a Grantham University and a University of Shitatten.UK through to the self-erected Trade Union leaders educated at those self-same centres of excellence. It all trickles down.
Trickle, trickle, trickle.............
But I have a cunning plan.

BREAKING WIND-E-NEWS
We hear that Celtic Football Club have been less than positive about the movement of the Prime Minister back north.
It was said that : " We, at Celtic, feel that Mr Brown would be better placed at Newcastle United or Chelski".
The only comment we could get from the offices of the PM was : " He himself feels that the GB Olympic football team is more like his opportunity to really show his Bulldog spirit."

FEELING FICKLE TODAY
It is just about mid-day today and I'm feeling fickle.

I NEED A WEEKEND TO THINK AGAIN.
Everybody, it seems, wants to abort me.
Perhaps I go to Scotland for a couple of days on a kind of bank holiday and with the insurance companies holidays and the other holidays that people enjoy.
Yes! That is what I will do.
Maybe things will be different then.
I might also think about my religious views again.
Maybe I think about Green and White Knights returning.
Maybe I think about Catholicism and the left-behinds.

AM I REALLY PASSING TIME ?
It is 17.43 on a Thursday. By the time I finnish writing this I guess it will be 17.44 or even MORE.
I suspect that this is the best I can do today unless my toes will tell me just why they move without me actually telling them to move.
I am beginning to understand that my body is not my own body. There are others out there.
This could take some time.
More than 17.46.....
My toes and now my feet have moved many times more and faster than my head.
Can I ever get back my sense of control of my own body?

Is everything alright Monsieur?
No it's not.
It is three o'clock.
" Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do. A peculiar moment in the afternoon. Today it is intolerable..... A cold sunshine is whitening the dust....".
And your clock is wrong too.

THINGS GOING FROM BAD TO WORSE
It is ten o'clock and I have gone through various news reports for the day and already nausea creeps in through one of my backdoors.
At the keyboard it happened.

A hand with fingers was working quite well for awhile and then I was shocked as three hands were appearing.
A Hand : really quite usual and practical.
MY Hand : damn it this hand is mine and I do things with it and I control it which was about the time I began continuous spelling mistakes.
THE HAND : It peered back at me and scared me. The hand is awesome and sublime. It towers away and above me. It exists beyond my poor self.

Shit I hope the day is not going to go on and on like this........

WENT TO THE SHOP THIS MORNING AND .....
Me jelly bon bons were up by 50 % in price.
This is enough. I have had enough now.

SIGNIFICANT " MOMENTS OF BEING".
As a fairly yet normal silly lad I climbed once. Then I knew that I was going to fall. I fell. I landed. I cannot forget. That was significant. I began to know that my boy-toy has consequences. I climbed and fell.

Moments of Being are like that.

Those times that you do and have done things, you know, when now, when now, it all seems different.

The damned good things here are that "Significant Moments" are also very positive too.
Have you ever had a "significant moment" by saying NO ?
I have.

LIMITS OF MY LANGUAGE ARE LIMITS OF OUR WORLD TOGETHER
In the well kept garden we cut away the weeds. Weeds are not nice and weeds are not what a good garden is for. Weeds are not fit for purpose.
In our well kept private-space others are not welcome because others are not me and not fit for purpose.
Deviants and the mad and the bad are dirty and out of place. They need to be put away somewhere, out of sight and out of mind, because deviants are not fit for purpose.
Vegitarian feminists fuse an ecological politics with social-science yet still they fail to refuse the most natural meat injection of the lot........

WEMBLY WOBBLES WHEN THE MATLOTS PLAY
Come in Cardiff your time is up !

ABORTION LIMITS
Next time you agree to promote abortions which are carried out after even 16 weeks of life then please consider the ways and the means that little living "things" are often cut up and sliced and hacked around before "it" all comes out.
After 20 or more weeks the butchering gets worse, if that is possible.
Cut and slice as the blood runs from the sad eyes
As a struggling life tries to stare and get noticed.
Cut and slice
And hack that unwanted baby into pieces for a nice exit......

THOUGHT WE NEEDED A CHANGE AWAY FROM ANDY CAPP AND DES ESSEINTES.
So here it is and your starter for 10.
Where in Hungary is this bridge scene?

ANDY CAPP IS SECRETLY HELPING NU LABOR
Even Iceland and the Scott base in Antartica are laughing right now at the ditherings and witherings of Nu Labor in the UK.
However it has been revealed that Andy Capp comes to the rescue although I ought not to have told you this.
As part of a career advancement initiative Ny Labor has sent its bestest members to a weekend event where Andy Capp is featured as the new big deal for the future.
One forum debated this :-
Andy Capp says, lazing on his soft and well padded armchair, " Florie! Where is me bloody newspaper and the racing pages?"
Florie replies, from the kitchen and with her hands in suds, " It is just down there on the floor underneath your arm!"
Andy Capp replies, slowly shaking his head, " Come on woman for Gods sake. Which arm, left or right?

DES ESSEINTES IN SEARCH OF ANDY CAPP
Can a sick person show a little imagination in a sick social-body-politics?
Or is this "Against Nature"?
Are we not reminded today of the past when it was said that :-

" Seeing that nowadays there is nothing wholesome left in this world of ours ; seeing that the wine we drink and the freedom we enjoy are equally adulterate and derisory ; and finally, seeing that it takes a considerable degree of goodwill to believe that the governing classes are worthy of respect and that the lower classes are worthy of help or pity, it seems to me ....... that " ....................

Written in 1884 but still demanding an imaginative response in 2008.

PLEASE DON'T SHOUT AT ME I AM SENSITIVE
As I walked alone in the Cherry Orchard, as the May Day sun scorched and the golden daffodils wafted with the faint winds, I felt a sense of true togetherness with others and the wide world.
And then, again and again, a harsh and evil bite hit hard from below.
The devil always has the worst byte.
But I shall struggle on in the knowledge that I must do it my way.

EURO-SEPTIC-FUNKY-TANKS SAY ........
NU-Labor has made a mark on the world and those in Europe but Europe must not make a mark on us. That is why we are alRight as we are.
Tremendous working class says :-
" Leave it off mate and give us a break. Today 400 million will be watching or following the battle between the reds and the blues." ( Put your bets on United and make my day).

Common voices say .................... ?

Stephen Potter on BLOGGERSHIP
As most will know Stephen Potter (b.1900) was a cultural communicator of the highest order and lowest rank. But most do not know his little piece on "Bloggership".
Let me enlighten :-
" It should not be, but alas is, necessary to remind critics that for bloggership status it is essential to mix in with the knowledge of French an unaffected love of tremendously ordinary and homely things like Danny Kaye, mild and bitter, the Daily Mirror, the Bertram Mills Circus and Rita Hayworth. This will show that, like all really great bloggers, you write for, live among and primarily appeal to, the ordinary common people. "
So there you have it. There it is.

HONEST REPLIES ONLY
Does your condom lose its flavour on the bedpost overnight
When Anticant says don't chew it do you swallow it in spite
Can you catch it on your tonsils
Can you heave it left and right
Does your condom lose its flavour
On the bedpost overnight?

Have you ever had such experiences like this?

Ah dunno our Anticant is back blogging after his regular sulk. So as we all love the guy I wanted to award him the new Lonnie Donnigan Award.

BREAKING WIND-E-NEWS
The news reading public were amazed to learn today that the man using a killer weapon was an upper-middle-class barrister trained, by the best institutions, to get results.
Even the newspaper editors could not believe their own ears and eyes.
---------------
However a dark-skinned skateboarder has, it is reported, been arrested and the quality-controls of the press and barons are slowly recovering from their state of shock.
It was said that : "this has nothing to do with belief or ideology" but we are happy to be able to continue our quest towards truth.
When asked Sir Rees Moggy Mugger ( the bricks and mortar man) said that this story had no relation to Lord Blair. Such was impossible, he said, because Lord Blair was studying in Scotland at the time in order to solve the crises in the Middle East and Iraq.

EU LEADERSHIP EXAMS GETTING HARDER
We hear from various leeks from the Welsh MEP's that the leadership exams for the driving licences for top positions will get tougher.
Get tougher on crime seems to be a general feeling.
The practical exams will get more theoretical.
The theory exams will get much much... more... many many much more deeper.
It is a rumour that the debates between Leninites and Trots will be one of the major issues to be centred upon in Italy and the UK.

SHOCK AND AWESOME AND WOW EXPERIENCES
By a strange twist of fate, speeded up, concerning the globalisation games we find ourselves running full speed ahead and head first in to the wall at the end of that hard cul-de-sac'ian nothingless.
Of course this was the experience that the likes of Gide and Kafka et al wrote about so well. Artists like Paul Klee.... and so on add-absurd-on.
But then it was a slow walk backwards-facing into the wall.
Today we run with our noses to the front, eyes closed and de-brained.
Ouch !
This is gonna hurt methinks.

Said Barnicle-Bill The Sailor
What do I do when I can't have you
Said Desperate Dan the failer.

OK, that was cheap. Let me try another one.

The drums they play with a titti-tit-tat
As the pipes no longer play.
Fare-de-well ole Poly T I must be going away.

Ok, ok, off to bed and do with me what you will.
No that was not a smile on my face !
I was only reading a few EU briefs from below.
Phew! Powerful stuff that.

CAN THE ELITE EVER SHOW THE WAY AHEAD FOR MOST FOLK?
Eton College and St Pauls are making whispers and causing sound-waves around the elite gallery of the Character Building institutions of the UK. It seems to be another kind of revolt. Bring back education and the "whole person and world" idea and bring back edification?
Damn all those faked exams and tables and Americanised credits.

Let me say my little piece.
My answer is YES, for sometimes and awhile.
Elite systems have much to contribute here.
THE NEED IS TO DEMOCRATISE that elitism system.
Without being scared of the workers and the misfits and the .........

Ah well it is almost May Day.

SIGN HERE PLEASE FOR YOUR DELIVERY
There I was trying to do me best on a Monday morning when the damned door bell rang.
There I was searching for a decent set of clothes.
Anyway - made it ok.
I opened the door and a busty beauty burst out before me.
Ello, ello, I said, are you German?
"No", she replied "I am delivering your needs".
I, as a polite gentleman, received the delivery and signed for it.
Then I opened the box ( better than taking the money I thought).
Bugger me a bass guitar with no strings attached arrived.

GOOD MORNING VAMPIRES
Saturday nights and Sunday mornings are always special.
I had a dream.
Those damned vampires were sucking me dry.
But I woke up and ran to the kitchen for garlic.
Then stood around thinking for awhile .... what to do with garlic ?

UK DAY CARE CENTRES FLOURISH
In the UK there is a school and college "teachers" strike going on. The kids are amused and this amusement is educational.
It is, however, unfortunate that the "pre-school" centres are getting into this act too.
The argument is this : Who are the day-care specialists?
Comments, so far, from the university day care system seem to imply that we must expand. Expand the age of childood and youth so that it is all good business.
Stay young out there mate.....

THE DATES SEEM TO FIT
Was it not in 1608 that Wicked Willy boy created his Coriolanus?
Maybe we need a few more of the Corn Laws debates today.
Bread anybody, bread?
Wat a wyatt........

ST GEORGE? Gimme anover one do
Let it be known to all and sundry that dwell on the nice sun-flower-deck of the boat with rusty rivets : St George did not slay the dragon he merely helped invent it.

IS THIS THE DEATH OF CITIZENSHIP JOURNO-BLOGGING?
It has come to my notice that a rather powerful political "club" have convinced various ethical groups to support a new EU law that forbids bloggers to blog if under the influence of more than two strong beers.
I am making a petition in both response and protest at this, so far, secret movement related to the fearful mis-economy.
What are your thoughts dear bloggers?

REALISM CREEPS IN AS FRIDAY FEELINGS SUCK UNTO MONDAY
" But suddenly a new cry arose : Bread, Bread, Bread ! ... The dogs alone replied by barking ferociously... with open jaws.... ...."

WEDNESDAY : ANOTHER DAY OF FEAR
Just realised that the rubbish MEN come in the early hours of a Thursday. I need to make sure that all the rubbish is out there and available for due collection.
Me missus has threatened to put ME in a plastic bag tonight.
Wish me luck.

TUESDAY TABLE TALK
It was, I think, Freud that asked us to consider again the "portion of happiness" and the possibilities of happiness that have been exchanged for a "portion of security.." : holy shit.
God damit think I need a beer and a dance and a carnival.
Could I invite ..........?
Give your guest list.

DIARY OF A MONDAY MAN
The wind had changed and the wet snow falls again.
A misty grey-light haunts
And pisses me off.
Then a neighbour cat turns up.
Cold and pleading and left out all night.
Cats are good at that even when the human folk go to work early.
Fed the cat.
Kind to be cruel but there it is.
Meant to do a few things today for official life
Too late now.
Maybe another day will come along that says official work is ok.

Latest update at 14.00 hours (mytime)
Stray cat still lurking and sitting just outside my door.
Never should have fed "it".
That is now about 7 hours of this lurkin by the stray cat.
It is a young male in Springtime.

Our own cat, at home, is an older ( much older) female.

Dear Aunties all : What do I do?

NOT JUST ANOTHER SATURDAY
Yesterday was bleak but today :-

Cirrus, whispy-lined, clouds, blown
By a north wind
Below a bright blue sky
Where the sun makes
And the snow sparkles.

Ah well quickly come quickly go.
This will never last long.

GOING INTO A WEEKENDING
Yee hah psychology is finally finding out that it has not feet on the ground.
Yeee haah Capitalism is coming out of the god-like closet of infallibility.
God Damit there is another chance coming up methinks this century.

Higher( heels for a French President?), Longer( penis for Asians?) and Faster ( responses from Hiarious Cliterawesome?) and even wider stretching of the Bliarite imagination ( no condoms on my WMD's?) ....
And it goes on and on.

It goes on and on.

I WANNA WIN-WIN GOLD
You wanna win-win gold?
OK.
Step into my parlour said the IMF to the fly.
Keep those home fires a'burning me old radicals.
Come in your time is up.
Keep the torch a'burning me old sporty-sorty-wanna-be MBAs.
Keep me, keep me, keep me with your golden stick.

THE IMAGE HAS BEEN EXTINGUISHED
Oh dear me what the Trades Unions failed to do the postmodern playboys and playgirls have acheived.
The image has been put out.
Dance to the music....

THE WHOOPER SWANS ARE BACK IN NUMBER
Today I watched the Whooper Swans returning to the north.
Something great about that somehow.

PEELING POTATOES AS A POTATORY EXPERT
Having four mouths to feed today I found myself counting the spuds. I ended up with four times four which equals 16. So far so good. But then came the strange bit ( strange at least for those that actually peel spuds and make meals at home) I began counting the numbers again every time I sliced away a bit of spud skin ... 1...2...6...12...pieces of spud lost and binned. It was then that I saw the connection with politics and core voters.

Damn it then came the onions.
Best I go skateboarding methinks and soon.

THE GREAT CONVERSATION CONTINUES
Cloak my words in ashes
Smoke my eyes with gas,
Poke my head with needles
Stroke my pain with slush.

Fuck my arse with paper.
Muck me around.

But you,
You blocked my ears before
With wax
And now I cannot hear you.

FUCK IT HAVE I SINNED AGIN?
Had a wonderful Easter time. Family, home, sun, snow, books and all that. I even watched two films ( Lord of Rings and Harry Potter stuff) wonderful and I loved it all.
But I also read a few bits and pieces. Red in bed as it were. Rather be read in bed than dead I thought to mesen.
Read a bit of Jacques Ellul agin I did. You know, where the technology becomes a technique, that is THE culture, without critique.
Anyway I am still here and around and about.
Fuck me survived another Easter.

EASTER TIME
Your ever present Zola wishes a very happy Easter to all the suffering folk. But remember we all have a full moon coming up right now.
BTW : Outside me house here we have blue sky and sun and lots of snow.
Think I will just hang around this Easter and imagine what travelling might be on an Easter Egg.

IT'S A WINDSDAY AND A HISTORIC DAY AT THAT
Today during the inevitable farce of "Question Time" for the UK Prime Minister the Oh My God Broon began with a total smacker. After a question from the Conservative vice-royal, Webcam-Babbooooon, Broony boy said that he would not support an independent Tibet. The reply from the right wing was enough to shock even a bold scot. Webcam said that was right. Broon replied that all his decisions were right.
This is an historic day for UK politics. The Nu Labor admits it is Right.

As the webcam Baboon smiled Gordi boy was lost. The joke had escaped his intellect.

BREAKING WIND-E-NEWS
The rightly ponderable Toni Blair is to be investigated for his negligent behaviour. As we understand it, from sources, Blair was negligent in his promotion of the British Army Tourism Services ( BATS, for short) and deaths happened because of this.

WHY DOES FRIDAY EXIST?
It cannot be a Free Day now can it.
Maybe it has something to do with sexy Freda.
Ah dunno.

SOUTH SEA BUBBLES OR NORMALITY?
Oh dear me the wise and the great of the media politics waste so much paper and ink on their pathetic version of a global recession.
My dears this is normal for a free-wheeling capitalism.

So when you are run over by the truth one day, just say :-
" You put your bombers in, you put your conscience out,
You take the human being and you twist it all about
So scrub my skin with women
Chain my tongue with whisky
Stuff my nose with garlic
Coat my eyes with butter
Fill my ears with silver" ......
Stick my penis in plaster
Tell me lies about the South Sea Bubble without a condom.

LITTLE NEED FOR PENIS ENVY
We read and see all the time today about the naughty-bits. Even some academics, and especially those academics that are vertically challenged, wish to make public their feelings concerning bums and tits. It is time then for Zola to calm things down abit.
My penis ( a wicked willy never to be trusted) erects itself on places like the bus. It is the good vibrations that does it methinks. But it is hell when the bus stop gets nearer.
OK it maybe that it pays to advertise but I doubt it somehow.
It is high time for men ( and others) to make public the times when wicked willy acts out in public and causes a scene.

WHEN TURKEYS VOTE FOR CHRISTMAS
It seems to me that there have been many times when turkeys have voted for Christmas. When Finnish folk voted in this latest right wing government for example. When the UK voted in the Blairite regime for another example.
Perhaps there are more selective and tight examples flying around and about in this circle of rogues.
Like to hear some I would.

Message Today
Those that REALLY benefit from the "Arms Trade" are being arrested.
Get back to you soon if I can.

I MUST SAY SORRY
Judge Drudge is OK.

A JOLLY PLOUGHBOY SPINS
A Sunday question must be :-
Is a Jolly Ploughboy as happy as a maybe-might-be King?

THE GHOSTS ARE COMING BACK
Hey Mr BrownMachineMan play a song for me
On my sweet peon....
I am not going anywhere.

Swagiman has allowed the word "sorry" now so I can say sorry for this new mad March day. Nostalgia is better now than it ever was.
Van Morrison is to make a new set of recordings.
Dylan is up to something new, and ...
The Highlander Folk School remains alive.

Let's start the month as we wish to move beyond it.

TODAY IS DEDICATED TO ANTICANT
It is a day when everybody may be encouraged to LEAP up and down with their knickers in the air.
Come on Anticant get leaping.
Better than getting grumpy about the demise of the great Conservatives.

TOMORROW HAS A 75% Risk Factor
But mathematics has never ever been what is was today.
Although the majority of the so called global population have found their birthday to be on February 29th.

QUALITY SOULMATES INVESTIGATED
Internal investigations are going on right now concerning "Escort Services" and the quality press.
The only reliable comment so far is : " Lord Beaverbrook would never have gone in this deep."
Remember, you read it here first.

UK EARTH MOVES AND VIBRATIONS EVERYWHERE
Please, dear reader, do not fret.
The Duke of Westminster is safe and well.
Moral of this story?
Condom all the time and ya'll be ahlrat.

THE PEAT BEATS ON
Footfalls on Kinder
Up above the Fox Holes
Tramping and a camping with the mud-deep-days.
With a ...............

A BICYCLE? In Lapland?
Woke up this morning, a song in my head
looked out the window
And
Went straight back to bed.

Anyway ways the best photo caption wordy-wordy-thing will get a free bicycle holiday in a Winter Lapland Land.
So come on you lot give us an artistic caption or photo text.

HOW DOES ONE BEHAVE WELL IN A HOSPITAL?
Forgetting now those that enjoy the comforts of a hospital or a jail as being a kind of bed and breakfast treat ( who has never been there has never lived) it is educational to gather up bits and pieces of advice from those that understand this kind of management of spoiled identity.
So how is one to behave well during hospital overnights or days?
Dear blogger : do add your own thoughts and, of course, "experiences". We all love experiences.

As a starter :-
1) Never ever give a goosing to the nurse before you have been there for, at least, 8 hours.
2) When giving goosings always balance out the age ranges of the nurses and begin from the older ones.
3) Always adhere to the basics of the two S's. Shit and Shower and be seen to do this everyday. Then the goosings will look after themselves.
4) Always eat your food and say how wonderful it was with a thank you. Then more goosings are possible.
5) Never look at the naughty bits of the nurses until you have first made human contact ( usually getting an extra cup of this or that or an extra piece of cake.....)
Please send in your words of advice ( so many of this blogland group seem to relish the hospital experience) and we may then offer the EU governments words of advice too.

FINLAND APPLAUDS SPIRIT OF UK TAX REFORM
The culture of wickedness and pleasure, the binge culture that has come about due to the lowering of taxes and controls on things, is finally to be criminalised.
Bigger taxes are to be introduced for all the "City" gamblers, politicians expenses, wine allowences for the Church and PAYL ( pay as you leave) playboys.
At last the spiritual reform for the working classes is made possible, says one high cultural official.

BREAKING WIND-E-NEWS
Sales for Hogarth works on the increase.
Gin Lane most popular says art expert.
High Culture for all?

ONE OF MY FAVOURITE THINGS
There is a season to turn and turn towards a kind of classical respect if only to avoid the inevitable boredom of false-freedoms and idle idolic play. It is, indeed, readers of this well respected blogsite that demand a spade be called a spade and evermore shall be so. With the good readers in mind I offer a little bit of an essay from my student days. It was an essay that I had wanted to write but could not. It was to form an impression on me. It was, as if, there was, at last, something to live up towards. ( it was as if a kind of rhetoric was essential in both politics and life ). The quote is :-

" In the shallow water along the beach, raindrops are splashing ; a cool and moist wind fusses in the damp trees, which glow leadenly like dead fish. The devil has spit in the soup......... "

The writer of this piece of beauty mixed with truth gave me something to touch when poetic discourse was out of fashion.
One day I will write a little something like that if i can.
One day.
Until then I must remain with a mere intent and a punkish-social and poetic rationality on the fault-lines.
Fuck me it could be worse!!!

GAP YEAR(S) AWAY FROM STUDENTHOOD
I really must write about those "gap years".
Problem?
Cannot remember that much.
But I am sure I could do it with a little help from my friends.

DECISIONS ON BIG (T)ISSUES
I came out of that weekend as a reflexive reflecting person.
Many came up to me and said that they thought this was good for me.
So I went to the toilet and sat down for awhile.

I was not quite sure if it was to be a fart or a shit.
Best be safe I thought.
You see this reflexivity and reflective awareness of the past really helps.

Have you ever had shit in your pants?

USA TARGETS MOON WITH NEW MISSILE
President George W Bush wants to mark the end of his tour of duty with a humanistic bent.
Using the latest technology in missiles the USA targets the moon and says that it will blow up this beast into tiny fragments for the benefit of Mankind.
A Bush aide said : " Too many people suffer from this moon... from headaches thru to hairy hands .... our President wants to show his humanitarian streak. "

THE HEMLOCK FACTOR
Our poor old Socrates is under, yet again, more political bytes.
Recently it was said that the Socrates take on knowledge was to blame for those Rums-Do-Melt excuses for the war against humanity.
Now, I ask you : Was our poor old Socrates saying that " wisdom lies in the institutionalisation of ignorance."???

DUE TO PUBLIC DEMAND A STATEMENT IS NECESSARY
After various tabloid-type comments that fly around and then grow as the gossip grows I must say something before I burn.
Yes : I have been to bed with a cat.
No : I have never been a member of any Trade Union.

Yes : I have shaved a pussy.
No : I have never been a member of any Trade Union.

SONGS OF INNOCENCE AND WORKING CLASS THEOLGY
What follows drips with memory. Maybe a few words here and there mistaken but the mainsail is up for the wind.
A pub and folk was all that was needed and one such song springs to mind :-

I'll sing you 12 oh red goes the noses so
12 for the 12 apostles
11 for the eleven that went to heaven, and
10 for the ten commandments.
9 for the nine bright shiners
8 for the April rainers, and
7 for the seven pints I have had, and
6 for the pack in the sack.
5 for the symbols on your door, and
4 for the brewery workers
3 three the wino's
2 two the same to you - hows yer father, alright, hows yer mother, shes tight, hows yer sister, she might
One is one too much and ever more shall be oh.

Sincere apologies to any sensitive soul that finds any poor mistake I have made to be abusive to their selves.
But considering the many musical souls that sometimes peek into this site I am sure that such mistakes can be corrected.

BREAKING WIND-E-NEWS
Conned-You-Sleezy-Nice has made a pact with Hilarious Clitoris.
Comment from from Billy-Willy-Boy was " This really sucks but it pays".

RUMBLINGS FROM EDUCATION. UK.Inc Ministry
Thousands of reports and research papers have finally been noted and a basic pattern has emerged. Since education became a Culture Industry the education has worked very very well indeed.
Critical awareness, poetry, history, philosophy and all that have finally been shelved as a Classical Relic.
Training, training and more training has been the result.
This was the target and bullseye. Success.
Management training psycho-babble has won the culture wars.

Today the Ny Labor management group, with Blair and Brown, Thatcher and the underlings, get ready to dance their dance and celebrate.
But it is hard to dance with the devil on your back.

NORWICH CITY FC BRINGS FOG ON THE TYNE
Season ticket holders from Norwich City FC are being rewarded for their trust in this historic community. A 10% value-added Christmas present is in store for all.
A certain K.Keegan is quite pissed off again and is throwing a tantrum. He was heard yelling that : " The grey haired one was not a virgin as I know it and should be sunk in the waters of the Tyne."
But help is on the way. A certain Hilarious Erectable Clitoris is frothing at the mouth in her bid to keep the UK wet-sports together. She said :-
" The UK is the mother of all democracy and we, here in the United States, are ready to re-unite you all through our progressive investments."

From Football to Darts
Just a little story.
I was only 15, only 15, I was too young to know.
But I was on the winning team and we celebrated.
But first things first.

There were two young lads on the team list. I guess today this would be cackled as an Academy. Two young lads of 15 playing football with old men that looked to be, at first sight, past it. Anyway I was one of those young lads at 15 and I was on a high. Playing for my home town ( under 16s) we had kept Frankfurt to a draw of 1-1. That was a big deal. Thought myself to be a hero. But that was the youth team. I was getting grilled into an adult team and just to look at them hurt.

Back to training. The old-fart centre-half began tackling me. He wanted me to learn how to keep my legs intact. But he spared no force. Anyway I was selected for my first big game with the adults. Shit that was the first time that i had ever followed orders and shit I was nervous. This adult team gave me hell. I just wanted to play football. No more the youth team here. ..... but I wanted the hero....
Then I began to learn a bit and a piece.

The big boys had helped me survive many months of hell and heaven and they had carried me through ( I was learning?) and our last game was a kind of crunch and punch and no holds barred type of thing. I got my nose broken but we won the game.

Celebrations. Weekend night. Visit to pub first and then posh dinner. I was already out of my depth. At the pub we played darts against some local team ( no idea of the real facts) and our football team were giving me hell again as I was nervous to even be in that pub at 15. I was the guy that needed a double to win against the locals. I thought everybody was as pissed as pissed as can be because I could hardly understand a word they were all saying. I threw the dart. Double 20. In one dart. Then I got lifted up and thrown and tossed around until I was really made to understand the significance of this double 20 throw. The beers were paid for by the local pub and there were many of us. Even the magic sponges and the administration lot were there. Now I was a hero. Luck and fate works that way sometimes. Sometimes. All gets blurred.

Pub was closed and the restaurant open. It was one of those places that would accept drunken football players at that time. It was Greek.
All of a sudden I was asked to order.
Deliver de liver I demanded as the adults laughed and the waiter glared.
Then I was told to behave myself by the big centre-half of the team.

All this is just sentimental sentencing of the experience, anchored and recorded. All this is cods! But true.
What can be said and done?

Darts is a game that is played on the margins. The end is always on the margins.
The centre is sometimes ok too but the margins is really where it is at.
The margins.
That is why I remain happy with the outside.
That is why I remain enthused with the borders.
That is why I have still so very much to learn.

I really do miss that old centre-half yelling at me to keep a line.
I miss the whole team as a fifteen year old would. But I am not 15.
I remember that it was the Centre-half that guided me into another level of football, the same man that yelled and knocked me about. The same man that, with a much balding head later said "Hello, remember me?".
I did.
How can a centre help the margins? Do you really need to ask?

IT IS LENT FOR THE PENITENT
Just as I getting ready to refuse all the joys and the toys and the dreams of Springtime - just as Lent empowered me to cut to pieces my credit card - I thought again. ( such is what Lent is for and better than pratting around in the wilderness).
I learnt of an "Ex-Policeman buggering an MP" and a smile came to my lips as my Lent and penitent future collapsed.
This is not for the first time.

FINDING A CENTRE : WHAT IS MONDAY FOR ?
What a day. Did the washing of the clothes and a bra strap got caught in the total machine. Round and round went the bloody great wheel caught and caught the over-the-shoulder-boulder-holder seals.
What is a Monday for we ask.
If it is not for this kind of fiasco?

Sori for the lack of Swans today but now i understand what Homer tried to say to me. Oh how he suffered for his sanity.
Blame it on the bra straps I do.

SUNDAY MORNING SWAN

DEMOCRATIC CULTURAL COMMUNICATION
As it is February, a new month, a new moon a'coming and the Water Melon Man coming out of the cupboard -- thought i would try to be nice and kind to the younger bloggers.
There is something about The Swans that makes us all just want to blog.