FINNISH-RUSSIAN BORDER OR EU BORSTAL
Zola is confused as history repeats itself. To be human is always confusing.
After Gorbechops wrote his message nobody listened but everybody loved it when the big spirit king danced around. The time was right to shit on the Russians. ( History?). Then a new voice came around slowly and re-considered. If we Putin this you must put in that it was agreed. But no.
The greedy West wanted it all as always.
Problem?
Finland used to have the longest border with Russia that was peaceful for at least the main years of history. Today Finns might suffer because of NATO or through the EU border that is no longer Finnish.
IT IS TIME TO RE-INVENT THE "FINLAND STATION" before it is too late.

Ms.G.Greer : let it be said and trust me

The big woman Greer of OZ fame and Warwick Universe-City Ltd had nothing at all to do with the eviction of London(ish) people from their rented homes. Let this be said so that this blog is never accused of idle gossip.

FINNISH HUMOUR : an example
I was reminded yesterday of a fairly long-lasting joke here in Finland. It concerns trousers and culture. Anyway damn the academic stuff let me get straight to the point in a Finland that is famous for having trousers worn so low down to the bum that the first stage of the moon is always seen to be rising.
So the Finnish joke is this :-

Question : Why do Finns wear braces.
Answer : To keep their trousers up.
Question : Why do Swedes have a head?
Answer : To stop their braces getting twisted.

Bom bom

WHAT THE BIG-WIGS SAY
Here from your favourite Daily Telegraph rag today :-

" The web-log, once the preserve of a clique of social misfits, has been transformed into a mainstream tool of mass communication for all manner of executives. "

IS ST IVES
A junkie paradise?

GETTING POSITIVE THINKING NOW
For my recent trip to the UK I ask for help and guide-lines and appropriate patterns of behaviour.
What are the Psycho-Babble words I should try and say honestly?
I admit my decifit ( 10 fits in a year) and admit my problem as real.
Can my healing begin?

JUST A QUICKIE FROM CLACTON UK
Claction UK is a seaside resort or it once was. Anyway Clacton has been in the news recently. People throw themselves off bridges and all that. Your Zola has other good memories.
Football team and pub-like supporters. Team of coaches bound for Clacton. Weekend rave in good community spirit. Coaches departed at 05.00 in the morning ( damn it the night had hardly stopped but that was it). Beers on the coaches anyway. Arrived in Clacton about 10.00. Pubs not yet open. So a football game by the nearest parking place.
All welcomed to this football game, now on concrete in Clacton and the supporters were in the majority god damn them all. Tough game coming. But only half an hour to the pub opening hours. Anybody can survive 30 minutes of football ????? After being black and blue and feeling slightly under the weather a saviour came in one of the supporters. He was what used to be called an old-aged-pensioner ( about 70 I guess) and he fairly kicked the ball away from our centre-forward as if life and death was a big issue here.
The ball landed up high and on the rooftops.
The roof was the Police Station which had not been noticed yet.
Pensioner climbs up drain pipe and attempts to get the ball from above.
Along comes the cops.
" I have lost my ball", came the cry from above as the police demanded a quick explanation.
The old grandpa threw down the ball and then climbed down the drain pipe and we thought we saw a smile on his face.
The cops grabbed him.
We were another half an hour late because of this ( the pubs had already opened by the time we got there) but we had a few beers left in the coach.

That was the first few hours of our community event in Clacton UK.
For the rest........ ?
Trousers would get terribly inward looking and lavenderBlue envious.

ESSENTIAL SOULS IN OXFORD HANGING OUT TO DRY
Wycliffe, Oxford : This rather Modern sacred part of the Oxford tradition seems to be in sexuality debates. The dirty linen is being placed on the sagging line for all to see and the theological nicities are somewhat unwashed in fact.
The main pubic debate is between one "BULL" and "STORKY ELAINE" ( you are forgiven if this sounds like Merkin and lavenderBlue in their nightitime jobs). Anyway a certain BULL is being "turned" by STORKY ELAINE.
The question we all ask now is this : Is this Bull for the turning? Will Storky Elaine have her way in this horny issue?
( you read this second here -- Independent newspaper got in first lucky buggers)

EU VOTING BLOC MOVES TO BAN HARRY POTTER

Poland has been urging EU members to ban Harry Potter.
Too many witches here already it was said.

The only official response so far comes from the UK : " Too late, too late, the Queen cried, Harry Potter has already been well satisfied."

The President of France is considering his response and it is rumoured that he is trying to get contact with his wife to get the details correct for a public comment.

BY THE WAY : WHATEVER HAPPNED TO :-

Mr R. Scott?
Spotty Muldoon?
and
The Manchester Rambler?

WHAT AN AFTERNOON THAT WAS

Had a meeting. Got told off.
I was accused of "looking down" at a female member.
She accused me (your clean and pure Zola) of inappropriate behaviour.

I answered that I was looking down naturally and her low cut dress was great.
Then I said, quite harmlessly and in the spirit of Rochdale, " If I had a pair like that I would not go out of the house at all - I would play with myself all day long."

Anyway it got worse and I was asked to leave.

I pleaded truth and honesty but.... inappropriate behaviour.
What should I do?

FIRST PREPARATIONS FOR UK TRAVEL
In two weeks time your social Zola will arrive in the UK and try to survive for 10 days. Already a few preparations have been made :-
a) a set of fake passports and driving licences
b) a bullet proof vest and a tin helmet
c) a fake beard
d) a new dictionary of English language ( pocket sized with 10 pages, awesome!)
e) a previous high-octane diet of cabbage and cauliflower so my farts can act as a safety system against irritants and blue-meanies.

If anybody has more suggestions please inform. Your poor Zola is not well versed in the UK anymore and will clearly get lost a few times ( or worse).

HONEST RESPONSES WELCOMED

Does anybody know what is special about Grimsby?

SIX TONGUED FEMALES
Rumour has it that the six-tongued-females are being banned.
Heard it from the Hemingway Trust.

A TALE OF TWO CITIES ANEW
Bed and Breakfast in Paris is a safer bet than that in London.
In Paris you cannot get out.
In London you cannot get in.

Let us not make prisons through the word.

HAS TONI BLAIR LANDED IN THE SOUP ?
Or, will it be up to the Daily Mirror to spill the beans?

Your Comments are free : please send to vinegar tits c/o USA Today.

NEED FOR INTERPRETATION CRITICAL LEVEL
The Chicago Tribune writes :-
" MERC RAISES ANTE FOR CBOT ".

Just what a C-Boot is we have yet to learn.
Or is it a c-b-o-t ....... ?

What has the Merc been up to we ask?

How has "Ante" been raised in such a way?
The public needs to know.

A FEW WEEKEND FRIENDS ON TV IN FINLAND
As you know this blogger is no TV watcher but a few bits and pieces are more than just ok. In our house of a weekend we look forward to two TV programmes. From Lapland we watch "MORSE" and we watch "TEAM PULLMAN". ( no idea what these are called in the uk but who cares). The Oxford Morse makes me laugh out loud and then smile with a reflexivity that bends me damned back. Team Pullman is that long needed answer to whatever happened to the Likely Lads and Dennis Waterman on heat with a song. Oh when will I see the likes of such again in my own time?
Liked the blonde bit too.
Me missus smiles at that too.

NO TWO MINUTE SILENCE FOR GEORGE MELLY
George Melly is now in the collective unconscious yet again. He had never really left that kind of revolt into style but he is back again. Character better than method? Oh yes.

ZOLA REFUSED !!!!!
After a few days of work, goddammitt-damit, your loyal blogger Zola thought up a new scam. Better ways of earning a crust methoughts.
These three days of work....really quite tiresome.
So a visit to the new "Sperm-Cloning Centre" was made and an offer of high quality proteins made. ( ought not to have had a few beers before the test I guess).
You guessed it.
Zola was refused. The sample "not fit for...."
It seems that they are after "good workers" and "loyal subjects" and this Zola did not satisfy the test.
But don't worry I stole their porno books.