PERHAPS I NEVER SHOULD HAVE SAID THAT :
Once I had a relationship with a 90 year old turtle ( and I never did find out which gender that dear turtle was attached to).
However my dear turtle seemed to enjoy every minute.
I talked about this relationship to a fine sounding gentleman a few months back as and when I was having a simple liquid lunsch in a very resphectable establissment.
Now I am being asked questions from the Mass Media.
Am I doing something wrong here?
skip to main |
skip to sidebar
Both wine and bread at confirmation were fake and this small site might just attract others that experienced the same. Critical voices? Those that participate? Who knows. For those that find sympathy with a walk on the wild sides of life, mountains, rivers or forests but do not pretend to escape. Other bits and pieces the news and also odds and sods that cry out "leave it off mate". Justly a lark and maybe the lark. But the lark will often land on the cactus.
Blog Archive
-
▼
2009
(144)
-
▼
January
(12)
- DOES JARROW HAVE AN AIRPORT?If it does the questio...
- PERHAPS I NEVER SHOULD HAVE SAID THAT :Once I had ...
- CAN YOUR REALLY TRUSTa politictian-ani-barmi that ...
- THE PLANE LOST BOTH ENGINES..........................
- NEXT I FOLLOW THE FOUR WINDSI woke up this morning...
- GOVERNMENT GRANT GIVEN TO ANTICANTA substantial fu...
- Patience : A Virtue of Nature?Human Nature the nat...
- WHEN HAS A BIG BOY BEEN ...... Taken to court and ...
- MY POOR OLD COCK DIEDMy poor old cock was to large...
- NIGELLA I AM SO SORRY BUT ...It has been revealed....
- A DAY IN THE LIFEYeeha : The sun has just shown it...
- IF ISRAEL REALLY WANTS TO EXPAND ... thena) Get a ...
-
▼
January
(12)
Links
About Me
- zola a social thing
- Just a guy that tries to think and live full time.
27 comments:
I do understand your kind of plight.
It seems to be very common today.
Has Zola turned turtle? we thought he was a tortoise with a porpoise.
Is our beloved Anticant really Jerome K Jerome Snr?
Love to know.
Far away in the tropical waters of the Caribbean, two prawns were swimming around in the sea.
One was called Justin and the other Christian.
The prawns were constantly being harassed and threatened by sharks that inhabited the area.
Finally one day Justin said to Christian, 'I'm fed up with being a prawn; I wish I was a shark, and then I wouldn't have any worries about being eaten.'
A large mysterious cod appeared and said, 'Your wish is granted'.
Lo and behold, Justin turned into a shark.
Horrified, Christian immediately swam away, afraid of being eaten by his old mate.
Time passed (as it does) and Justin found life as a shark boring and lonely.
All his old mates simply swam away whenever he came close to them.
Justin didn't realize that his new menacing appearance was the cause of his sad plight.
While swimming alone one day he saw the mysterious cod again and he thought perhaps the helpful fish could change him back into a prawn.
He approached the cod and begged to be changed back, and, lo and behold, he found himself turned back into a prawn.
With tears of joy in his tiny little eyes Justin swam back to his friends and bought them all a cocktail.
(The punch line does not involve a prawn cocktail - it's much worse).
Looking around the gathering at the reef he realized he couldn't see his old pal.
'Where's Christian?' he asked.
'He's at home, still distraught that his best friend changed sides to the enemy & became a shark', came the reply.
Eager to put things right again and end the mutual pain and torture, he set off to Christian's abode.
As he opened the coral gate, memories came flooding back.
He banged on the door and shouted, 'It's me, Justin, your old friend! Come out and see me again.'
Christian replied, 'No way man, you'll eat me. You're now a shark, the enemy, and I'll not be tricked into being your dinner.'
Justin cried back 'No, I'm not. That was the old me. I've
changed.'.........
'I've found Cod. I'm a Prawn again Christian'.
That was an even fishier tale than Zola's turtle talk.
At least you all talk to me again.
Not like you to be so slow in sussing out a lady's gender, Zola.
Are you becoming a confused post-modernist metrosexual?
The turtle lives 'twixt plated decks
Which practically conceal its sex.
I think it clever of the turtle
In such a fix to be so fertile.
Yes - I am clever.
Know ye the land where the cypress and myrtle
Are emblems of deeds that are done in their clime?
Where the rage of the vulture, the love of the turtle,
Now melt into sorrow, now madden to crime?
An evening's free doubles in the Burrow Snug for anyone coming up with alternative rhymes to 'turtle' other than 'myrtle' and 'fertile'.
Lo, the winter is past, the rain is over and gone; the flowers appear on the earth; the time of the singing of birds is come, and the voice of the turtle is heard in our land.
And ninety blushing virgins hurtle
Across the meadows, turning turtle.
Easy as falling off a log! An evening's free double pink gins, Ben, thank you kindly.
After an evening's doubvle pink gins, the Dame will be incapable of falling off any logs - she'll be flat out and snoring heavily.....
No snoring in the Burrow.
By Order
Did you hump that camel?
Sorry, turtle.
Wossy wants to know in order to claim Finnigating circumstances.
I will not say any more until I speak with my lawyer.
Our standard advice is: "When in doubt say nowt". As founder-members of the Maternal Protection League we recommend Keeping Mum.
Our modest fee for this invaluable piece of know-how is £1,000.
Your cheque by return will oblige.
All this turtle tittle tattle
Though it might make us chortle
All this dirt' ll do us no good
Zola flirted with a turtle,
Fed it lots of beer and kippers.
When it had enjoyed its dinner
It caressed him with its flippers.
None of your vulgar pub lunches for me.
Champagne and smoked salmon at the Dorchester, please!
Spotted in the Dorchester dining room were a grizzly semi-naked kayaker entertaining a magnificently diamond-studded lady turtle to lunch.
The armour-plated amazon gave her name to our reporter as Myrtle Mainchance. "I enjoy the company of rich old men", she said, "the older and richer the better. I live by the precepts of the late great Eartha Kitt, who advised needy women to find themselves an old-fashioned millionaire. Mr Zola here isn't a millionaire - or he won't be when I've done with him. But that isn't yet, because as dear Eartha said, 'if you can't take it with you when you go, don't go' so I'm sticking around for a while longer."
Mr Zola smiled weakly as the maitre 'd appraoched with the huge bill and reached into the pockets of his tattered shorts for a thick roll of banknotes.
It's beginning to look as if, what with lawyers' fees and lunches at the Dorchester, this dalliance with turtles is going to turn out quite expensive for our Zola.
Maybe we should pass the hat round.
There'll be tears before bedtime.
There won't be any bed time.
"Maybe we should pass the hat round."
CowaBUNGa! Dude.
Damn it.
After all that I am left as only a shell of myself.
Post a Comment