Monday, July 30, 2007

ZOLA IS WELL BUT AWAY
Due to the silly season being more silly in the UK Zola is travelling.
Sori for this clear shirking of me pubic duties.
Back in a couple of weeks.
Be good...........

Friday, July 27, 2007

CANNABIS IS THE NEW LABOR POLITICAL DILEMMA
As more and more political leaders have come under the spells of that nasty weed which provokes psychotic words and deeds we live in fear.
Cannabis on the National Health "Service" I say. Then we all understand together in a democracy.
Did I write that?

Thursday, July 26, 2007

MUST BE GETTING EXCITED OR ...
Thinking to meself this morning as the crows rasped their rantings as they do. I grabbed at a few memories of a real community. Romantic I may be but I do hope that next week in the UK the early morning newsagent will greet me as I will visit each day around six. I hope he or she will know which newspapers I wish for. I hope to be able to say a good "Good Morning" with a world in a smile.
I hope that the pub(s) I will visit of an evening time will quickly get to know my drink and never keep asking me "what do you want old man".
But as Ivan Illich used to say so well it is better to live in hope than expectation.

I blame Tug Boat Anna and Trousers for all this reflection-like vanity but there you have it and there it is.

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

INADVERTENLY ZOLA HAS BEEN INAPPRO(PIRATE)
Sori just trying to learn the new UK language before I arrive.
THE MORAL COMPASS AND SELECTED AWKS
As the BOY Scouts and GIRL Guides get famous again ( be-jesus those groups are older than our beloved Antipants) it came to me as a kind of Trouser-like dream.

Merkin as a Boy Scout : " Clean in thought, word and deed". ???? But along came Scout Leader Antirunt and set the Merkin to rights. Just imagine them both in short shorts.

LavenderBlue as a good Girl Guide : " Never say Yes to a Merkin type and never allow them into your tent", she says. She added : " Go painting and avoid those temptations of the flesh". ( Anna Mr joins the weekend book-reading group where the story was a question of - whatever happened to SuzyQ?)

Merkin returns : " I am turned and learned", he says, " Safe sex ok but please do not put a condom on me slide-rule".

Trousers goes off in a thoughtful mood. ( Did I miss out on something he asks himself in a private moment) - "Be thrifty" said the Scout Law, never get into debt.
JOIN THE SCOUTS YOUNG LAD says Antirunt.

Anyway what a wonderful British institution the Scouts and Guides movement.


Tuesday, July 24, 2007

A BRAND FIT FOR HEROES
Is this the big politicians dream statement?
But, of course, Gawdi Brown-arse, did not study history....or did he?
" PROFOUNDEST CHARM AND ENCHANTMENT "
The reasonable Pedagogic Province loved and yet still critiqued so well. So as to begin agin so well agin?
RITES-DE-PASSAGE
After slowly moving from pen and paper through to typewriter and then computer I began to ask myself just what were those "moving-moments" of change so that the official know-alls would bless me and then press me again for more.
But maybe such a "rites-de-passage" is no longer a happening in this brand new-world.
Anybody out there to help me understand the "rites-de-passage" events today.

Saturday, July 21, 2007

EIGHT RANDOM FACTS FROM ZOLA
( I do this only once and only because I want to suck the web of Anna Mr who demanded this of me )

1. My grandmother had hair down to her hips although she usually wore it all up in a kind of big bun. The smell of my grandmothers bed remains with me today. I used to sleep there sometimes when my mother and father went dancing and the like. I would have been about 3 years old I guess. But the smell remains of her special warm bed.
2. As a five year old the Saturday morning was very special. With two friends of the same age I collected, between 8.00 and 11.00, any old iron, scrap, papers, rags and whatever from the local houses. The families expected us every Saturday and they were ready with the junk which we put on a two wheeled hand-held cart. Then we went to the scrap metal and ragman place to sell what we had collected. Just a fact that is strong in my memory. It was exciting and fun.
3. By 11 years of age my mother had learnt the right question to ask me when I came home from a school day. " How many times did you get caned today?", she would ask. Got caned once by a teacher and laughed because he tried to hit me so hard his glasses flew off and smashed on the floor. I had not laughed so much since one other nasty teacher had a heart attack.
4. By 17 years of age I was getting ok in the football and playing at a fairly high level but a goalkeeper ( damned great hunk of a fellow) kicked my leg to pieces. Six months in plaster cast. Got back to decent level football by about 21 but broke a leg again. The third broken leg was through climbing. Memory here was having the screws taken out after 8 months - as they unscrewed the screws and pins I felt no pain but I did feel the turns in the head. Weird I thought.
5. Oh yes I was made an honary member of the "Polar Bear Society".
6. Enjoyed canoes and kayaks. Even got a couple of Finnish medels and coached the Finnish youth team to silver medel at European Championships. Wonderful memories those. But also I remember kayaking around North Cape when a stone came down missing me by less than a metre. Some damned tourist wanted to trhow rocks down. But cannot complain I used to "trundle" ( throw rocks down mountains) quite often when I was active in the mountains.
7. As a kid I would often walk about 50 English miles on a weekend just for the fun of it and with a rucksack on me back. My mother had only one rule : be back by four on Sunday. That was the Suffolk coastline and countryside. The experience once with the daughter of the farmer ( I had asked to camp overnight on his land) remains in my memory as a vivid wonderful thing. Lust can be beautiful.
8. I was sent to Finland to work on a project in 1976. Never seemed to have lived in the UK after that although Sweden and Norway have been lived-in. Lapland, or the southern part of lapland, is my home. Our garden has many hedgehogs, squirrels, mousey-mousies for the cat, birds aplenty and for the first year I am trying to grow peas in the garden. But I do not like gardening, fishing or hunting so there......

Friday, July 20, 2007

Bliar Welcomes Decision Not To Prosecute.

He would wouldn't he, said a source close to the deals.
He would, I guess, said a source already in prison.
Fuck me I would have welcomed that too said a criminal still on holiday.
Lord Lucan can return now to the mother of all democracies.

Sori to put you under so much stress Mr Blair. Really sori.
You prat!
FEMALE FAQS
Was asked to comment yesterday by one of these e-mailed questions from friends. So I thought i would share it with ya'll.
Question : What is the most frequently asked question from female voices in't morning?

My answer : " Who has pissed on the damned toilet seat again?"
BITS AND PIECES
Vinegar Tits is losing it again as "Comment is F..." gently rebels against the hidden guardians of truth. Sori but I had to read through those posts. But something good came from it.
Simon Jenkins, no ranter and raver, wrote a good piece in support of the BBC. He was not really a Manchester Guardian type although he is learning, he is learning. Shame that Vinegar Tits has not even begun to learn.

Leeds United FC have angered their overpaid and brain-challenged footballers. No salary has been paid last month. The powers that be in UK football circles find this a very bad thing and say that these football players should not play a "friendly game" right now unless they get paid.
Leeds football players complain that they may not be able meet their financial obligations. Poor buggers!!! Are there are there any footballers left who can even connect with the real world?

Putin met Finnish President, Tarja Halonen, yesterday. It was clear that Putin was really laughing and joking, in happy ways, with her. Watch this space.

Thursday, July 19, 2007

RISING WATER

By Steve Bowles 1991 ( first published in "Canoeist Magazine")

Sometimes it is good to read again thoughts once written. This little piece I have just found from an old box where spiders lurk with my old texts.


RISING WATER

The North Wales water was high and the tell-tale boulder was covered as I looked down from the main A5 road. Welsh white water in flood. The big rock covered.
Stranded sheep. Sleeping wet rotton carcases were stuck between the dancing branches that jerked and hung beside the flowing river. The bodies were limp and sodden, dirty and ugly. Unnatural death is always ugly.
Small landslides and brown swirling water made warning sounds in the gorge and safe treetop birds chirped loudly on the leafless branches. Waiting river beneath.
Browns and oranges and the faded yellow covering of Autumn made the descent seem less step than it really was. Wet and slippery.
Kayak, sliding in front, down to the river. The waiting eddy was small with helpful hold-me-still stumps by the water-levelled riverbank. Cold feelings in the gorge.
The river was new. Rocks that normally were predictable in their place were now submerged, hidden, by the rain with spate. All was new and past knowledge meant little. No funrun.
Spraydeck on ; one handed and fidgety. Paddle pushing against the bank to get into the stream. Gliding over to the opposite bank S-style gave some sense of control and for sure gave a better chance of finding a better line down and around the soon-coming bends. Rapid rocks and drops.
The now-seen rocktops were soft and green. Waves formed themselves in new fashions and places, catching the unsuspecting nature by surprise as the stream gauged its way downwards through buckled up brances and laid down grasses.

As the hard rain falls so too the new found falls rain hard upon the brain. Pumping and puffing energy wasting itself in the tense-nerved feelings. I wished for company as the sharpest bend was turned while keeping one eye open for an eddy. I hit the rock. Tried to lean. Legs straining to turn the kayak downstream.
The water played its tricks like an arm wrestler at pub table games.
I couldn't let up but I couldn't beat the force. Strength... power....leaving me. Water constant. Slipping....down....fear....asleep.
Curtains closed and clock ticking away. I bumped my way ahead. The sound of water, bubbling and whirling in my ears. My eyes half open, my body weak.

What a night...I turned as the flushing toilet thudded its finishing programme. Slipped back into bed and tried to get back into my white-water world.

The sea was short-sharp waved and the cliffs were splattered by .........
( Steve Bowles Canoeist magazine, March, 1991 page 12)

Actually this was written in the early 1980s but who cares for that.

BOOKS AND WRITERS NEVER TO BE FORGOTTEN
Yesterday I picked up some words from Laurie Lee. Maybe a few remember him as a wonderful writer of poetry and prose. Anyway after struggling with a newspaper text concerning the round up of the news for the last week I felt in need of decent and good writing thoughts. I turned perchance to Laurie Lee.
Then damit his article called " The Village That Lost Its Children" sprang out at me. I was taken back to 1966 and that Aberfan tragedy.
The whole history of this political-economy where kids die young and the rich keep on going and going smacked me again and again.
Is it worth writing anything today when all has been said already?
Of course it is.

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

LATEST NEWS ANALYISUSUSUS...sus suck
Gawdi Brown, the Scot leader of a Southern England regime, calls for less cannabis habits in his area of social responsibility. At the same time we learn that Kenya ( was that ever a British responsibilty?) demands nappies for each and every donkey that walks. God bless the new moral code of that new labour government with a history. Nappies on globalised seagulls I say and especially upon global fat pigs that fly high on the backs of human being(s).
I wanted to say more but the rules here are as tight as an arse from a Catholic in the waiting rooms.
A WONDERFUL VISIT, OLD FRIENDS TRAVEL BACK HOME AGAIN
Last night was a good night in word and deed.
Old time friends visited and stayed awhile.
Slept overnight peacefully.
Talked and chatted
Until the time was right to sleep.

Is it not nice to be home again
When you close your eyes
And really think again?
it's alright.

Such wonderful summertime blues from a small group
Back home
With an age
With ages
.........
Over 400
And still going strong.

Anyway we did the best we could do and that was just good enough.


Tuesday, July 17, 2007

THE HOLY HOUR
Does anybody remember the Holy Hour in Dublin?
More to the point can we remember what we did then?

Monday, July 16, 2007

FRANS EEMIL SILLANPÄÄ : " MEEK HERITAGE " ?
Finland has only one Nobel Prize winner for Literature. Sillanpää.
He wrote about the ways that everyday folk got fooled and tricked by those that were in power stations and promotional game-plays.
What can be done?
Would the so-called Western "permission" be that which which is either Communism or Fascism deals?
Sillanpää, like Robert Frost, helped a poetic rationality to exist.
Elemental my dear.
Do we really have to fight again and again ?
FINNISH-RUSSIAN BORDER OR EU BORSTAL
Zola is confused as history repeats itself. To be human is always confusing.
After Gorbechops wrote his message nobody listened but everybody loved it when the big spirit king danced around. The time was right to shit on the Russians. ( History?). Then a new voice came around slowly and re-considered. If we Putin this you must put in that it was agreed. But no.
The greedy West wanted it all as always.
Problem?
Finland used to have the longest border with Russia that was peaceful for at least the main years of history. Today Finns might suffer because of NATO or through the EU border that is no longer Finnish.
IT IS TIME TO RE-INVENT THE "FINLAND STATION" before it is too late.
Ms.G.Greer : let it be said and trust me

The big woman Greer of OZ fame and Warwick Universe-City Ltd had nothing at all to do with the eviction of London(ish) people from their rented homes. Let this be said so that this blog is never accused of idle gossip.
FINNISH HUMOUR : an example
I was reminded yesterday of a fairly long-lasting joke here in Finland. It concerns trousers and culture. Anyway damn the academic stuff let me get straight to the point in a Finland that is famous for having trousers worn so low down to the bum that the first stage of the moon is always seen to be rising.
So the Finnish joke is this :-

Question : Why do Finns wear braces.
Answer : To keep their trousers up.
Question : Why do Swedes have a head?
Answer : To stop their braces getting twisted.

Bom bom

Saturday, July 14, 2007

WHAT THE BIG-WIGS SAY
Here from your favourite Daily Telegraph rag today :-

" The web-log, once the preserve of a clique of social misfits, has been transformed into a mainstream tool of mass communication for all manner of executives. "

Friday, July 13, 2007

IS ST IVES
A junkie paradise?
GETTING POSITIVE THINKING NOW
For my recent trip to the UK I ask for help and guide-lines and appropriate patterns of behaviour.
What are the Psycho-Babble words I should try and say honestly?
I admit my decifit ( 10 fits in a year) and admit my problem as real.
Can my healing begin?

JUST A QUICKIE FROM CLACTON UK
Claction UK is a seaside resort or it once was. Anyway Clacton has been in the news recently. People throw themselves off bridges and all that. Your Zola has other good memories.
Football team and pub-like supporters. Team of coaches bound for Clacton. Weekend rave in good community spirit. Coaches departed at 05.00 in the morning ( damn it the night had hardly stopped but that was it). Beers on the coaches anyway. Arrived in Clacton about 10.00. Pubs not yet open. So a football game by the nearest parking place.
All welcomed to this football game, now on concrete in Clacton and the supporters were in the majority god damn them all. Tough game coming. But only half an hour to the pub opening hours. Anybody can survive 30 minutes of football ????? After being black and blue and feeling slightly under the weather a saviour came in one of the supporters. He was what used to be called an old-aged-pensioner ( about 70 I guess) and he fairly kicked the ball away from our centre-forward as if life and death was a big issue here.
The ball landed up high and on the rooftops.
The roof was the Police Station which had not been noticed yet.
Pensioner climbs up drain pipe and attempts to get the ball from above.
Along comes the cops.
" I have lost my ball", came the cry from above as the police demanded a quick explanation.
The old grandpa threw down the ball and then climbed down the drain pipe and we thought we saw a smile on his face.
The cops grabbed him.
We were another half an hour late because of this ( the pubs had already opened by the time we got there) but we had a few beers left in the coach.

That was the first few hours of our community event in Clacton UK.
For the rest........ ?
Trousers would get terribly inward looking and lavenderBlue envious.
ESSENTIAL SOULS IN OXFORD HANGING OUT TO DRY
Wycliffe, Oxford : This rather Modern sacred part of the Oxford tradition seems to be in sexuality debates. The dirty linen is being placed on the sagging line for all to see and the theological nicities are somewhat unwashed in fact.
The main pubic debate is between one "BULL" and "STORKY ELAINE" ( you are forgiven if this sounds like Merkin and lavenderBlue in their nightitime jobs). Anyway a certain BULL is being "turned" by STORKY ELAINE.
The question we all ask now is this : Is this Bull for the turning? Will Storky Elaine have her way in this horny issue?
( you read this second here -- Independent newspaper got in first lucky buggers)

Thursday, July 12, 2007

EU VOTING BLOC MOVES TO BAN HARRY POTTER

Poland has been urging EU members to ban Harry Potter.
Too many witches here already it was said.

The only official response so far comes from the UK : " Too late, too late, the Queen cried, Harry Potter has already been well satisfied."

The President of France is considering his response and it is rumoured that he is trying to get contact with his wife to get the details correct for a public comment.

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

BY THE WAY : WHATEVER HAPPNED TO :-

Mr R. Scott?
Spotty Muldoon?
and
The Manchester Rambler?


WHAT AN AFTERNOON THAT WAS

Had a meeting. Got told off.
I was accused of "looking down" at a female member.
She accused me (your clean and pure Zola) of inappropriate behaviour.

I answered that I was looking down naturally and her low cut dress was great.
Then I said, quite harmlessly and in the spirit of Rochdale, " If I had a pair like that I would not go out of the house at all - I would play with myself all day long."

Anyway it got worse and I was asked to leave.

I pleaded truth and honesty but.... inappropriate behaviour.
What should I do?
FIRST PREPARATIONS FOR UK TRAVEL
In two weeks time your social Zola will arrive in the UK and try to survive for 10 days. Already a few preparations have been made :-
a) a set of fake passports and driving licences
b) a bullet proof vest and a tin helmet
c) a fake beard
d) a new dictionary of English language ( pocket sized with 10 pages, awesome!)
e) a previous high-octane diet of cabbage and cauliflower so my farts can act as a safety system against irritants and blue-meanies.

If anybody has more suggestions please inform. Your poor Zola is not well versed in the UK anymore and will clearly get lost a few times ( or worse).

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

HONEST RESPONSES WELCOMED

Does anybody know what is special about Grimsby?

Monday, July 09, 2007

SIX TONGUED FEMALES
Rumour has it that the six-tongued-females are being banned.
Heard it from the Hemingway Trust.
A TALE OF TWO CITIES ANEW
Bed and Breakfast in Paris is a safer bet than that in London.
In Paris you cannot get out.
In London you cannot get in.

Let us not make prisons through the word.

HAS TONI BLAIR LANDED IN THE SOUP ?
Or, will it be up to the Daily Mirror to spill the beans?

Your Comments are free : please send to vinegar tits c/o USA Today.

Saturday, July 07, 2007

NEED FOR INTERPRETATION CRITICAL LEVEL
The Chicago Tribune writes :-
" MERC RAISES ANTE FOR CBOT ".

Just what a C-Boot is we have yet to learn.
Or is it a c-b-o-t ....... ?

What has the Merc been up to we ask?

How has "Ante" been raised in such a way?
The public needs to know.
A FEW WEEKEND FRIENDS ON TV IN FINLAND
As you know this blogger is no TV watcher but a few bits and pieces are more than just ok. In our house of a weekend we look forward to two TV programmes. From Lapland we watch "MORSE" and we watch "TEAM PULLMAN". ( no idea what these are called in the uk but who cares). The Oxford Morse makes me laugh out loud and then smile with a reflexivity that bends me damned back. Team Pullman is that long needed answer to whatever happened to the Likely Lads and Dennis Waterman on heat with a song. Oh when will I see the likes of such again in my own time?
Liked the blonde bit too.
Me missus smiles at that too.

Friday, July 06, 2007

NO TWO MINUTE SILENCE FOR GEORGE MELLY
George Melly is now in the collective unconscious yet again. He had never really left that kind of revolt into style but he is back again. Character better than method? Oh yes.
ZOLA REFUSED !!!!!
After a few days of work, goddammitt-damit, your loyal blogger Zola thought up a new scam. Better ways of earning a crust methoughts.
These three days of work....really quite tiresome.
So a visit to the new "Sperm-Cloning Centre" was made and an offer of high quality proteins made. ( ought not to have had a few beers before the test I guess).
You guessed it.
Zola was refused. The sample "not fit for...."
It seems that they are after "good workers" and "loyal subjects" and this Zola did not satisfy the test.
But don't worry I stole their porno books.

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