BREAKING WIND-E-NEWS
Damn all that honesty let us get cracking with some real news.

1) Brechin City ( somewhere in Scotland which is somewhere in England) has been banned. Thank God for decent decision-makers.
2) Paul Macca Artyfarty has bought the rights to the Joe Brown archives and then refuses to give them air. He said " It is an investment for my family".
3) England manager El Cappicino Supremo refused an evening dinner engagement with Posh Spice saying that : " I like to be on top".
4) Comment from Kevin Keegan : Northern Rock is in safe hands".

Soon to be updated ( but please send in your latest news so I may moderate it and change it to serve my own tastes).
Stop Press...... President hopeful Billireum Clinton is not amused as his puppet-performer Hilarious Frillyhairyarse denies giving a blow job ( to calm him down?) to other President hopeful Obiwhamer. Comments from Republician orifices say that " This tastes of bad politics".

Ed ( no ball games here) promises 30 million to add advertising campaigns to the London Olympic Games. These advertisements will, he says, " help the war on fat cats and cash cows and cheap tin trays". Toni Blair approves saying that " this is real value capital at work".... fat folk are a threat to our social networks..... ".

Oh shit I'm being gagged and........ the Blairy-eyed-Brownies are tagging my arse. ......... Must go..... Bentham had nothing on this... scary stuff.
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On advice from my lawyer I can only say this : " The wickedness that I have witnessed was before my knowledge of "testing" techniques. It is only now that I know that a UK government can inject a substance abuse into UK subjects in the public domain. ...... //// ................/// .... ...... Off for a run I am.
Fayed and Fulham ( which is on the worst side of London) are taking over Finland. Finnish football players are using Fulham as their training ground to take over the world ( without doping). Fulham manager Mr Roy Hodgkiniski denies any take-over, a "merger is what we see it as" he said. Watch this space.