BREAKING WIND-E-NEWS
Rumour is about that lifestyle columns are warming up to THE BURROW. It all began when the resident judge Anticant complained that budgets were cut so there would be no new decorational improvements. The questions then were asked. Why? Where has all the money gone?
Then a "News of the World" investigator caught wind of the cash transactions and the future plans of THE BURROW. We can, it is rumoured, look forward to a new player in the Burrow team. The present team of Anticant, Ben and the Beadle has been felt to be too much like that infamous "Old Lady" living aloof on Threadneedle Street in contempt of the real public. A new public face was needed it was said. Typically a contract was signed in secret and a new body was signed up to this venerable institution.
Soon we can look forward to a certain "Fan Like Fanny The Friday Night Club Queen" showing the BURROW in a new light and as an addition to the conservative ways of the past. Questions are being asked as the intrique increases. Some are fearing that the nice and polite BURROW will become yet another victim of Rupert the bear.
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Both wine and bread at confirmation were fake and this small site might just attract others that experienced the same. Critical voices? Those that participate? Who knows. For those that find sympathy with a walk on the wild sides of life, mountains, rivers or forests but do not pretend to escape. Other bits and pieces the news and also odds and sods that cry out "leave it off mate". Justly a lark and maybe the lark. But the lark will often land on the cactus.
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14 comments:
What on earth is the connection between Threadneedle Street and this Fan Like Fanny.
Zola : The mind boggles.
BURROW PRESS RELEASE
There will soon be no financial crisis in the burrow. The Management are delighted and proud to announce that their new Chief Cashier, Mr Paul [Wolfie] Wolfowitz, will be joining them on 1st July, following the abrupt termination of his current employment with some Back-Wall Street oufit or other. Mr. W will undoubtedly be a priceless asset, as he brings not only a fat greenback handshake from his former colleagues [who consider his departure is cheap at the price], but also sacks of White House beans and PNAC worms, the spillage of which will buck up the burrow brasserie's humdrum menu no end.
The Fanlight Fanny to whom unsubstantiated rumours allude is doubtless Wolfie's new girlfriend, for whom he is vainly endeavouring to secure an unwarrantedly high rate of remuneration as a Snug laptop dancer. They would be lucky!
Watch this space for further developments.
By Order
The Borse is amused and satisfied for the time being although it has been decided that a triple A rating is not yet warrented. Until then THE BURROW remains X rated K-80.
Anticant instructs me to elucidate upon the above badly drafted press release [new agents are now being sought] to make clear that while the beans are in sacks, the worms will be safely confined in cans. Wolfie has also requested houseroom for a mysterious Iron Box which he says was given to him by a mysterious lady named Pandora, an acquaintance of the Prince of Darkness.
We are currently debating whether it is safe to accept this object, and if so where to store it.
open the box
open the box
do not take the money
open the damned box
Oh....do be careful......I so need to get out of my box..........
In order to assist the burrow court to decide whether to take zola's advice and open the box, a small prize is offered for the most likely list of the box's contents [besides lavenderblue].
Entries should name six items, bearing in mind Wolfie's past career and the fact that the box was given to him by Pandora.
The winner[s] will be allowed [under the beadle's supervision] to choose two bottles from the burrow wine cellars.
By Order
Box content list entries by Sunday midnight, please.
The court will then decide whether to open the box.
By Order
1. A condom for the wolfie gun to stop the sand getting into it when he is playing at his favourite game.
2. A sewing needle and a false foreskin for his dealings with non-Israelian robber barons.
3. A kiss-me-quick hat for his TV appearences and for UK conferences.
4. A set of Blair-Brown muppets for the sticking of pins therin whenever trust is shown to be but a wolf in sheepy clothes.
5. A vibrator for Angie meetings.
6. The spirits of Gdansk that fly from the box when opened by those unequal to the occasion.
1. A shrivelled human brain in a vat, marked “Property of the President of the United States of America”.
2. A greasy, broken-toothed hair comb.
3. A Grandma’s bonnet and green spectacles.
4. A Wolves’ Pocket Guide to Forests, Deserts, World Oilfields, and Corridors of Power.
5. A testimonial signed by “Dubya Shrub”, “Kindasleazy Rice”, and “Donald Dumbcluck”, saying: “Mr P [for Perfect Prat] Wolfie is a kind-hearted man who loves children, wouldn’t hurt a fly, is honest as the day is short, and is a dab hand at telling fairy tales and stripping assets and female colleagues”.
6. An invitation from Vice-President Cheney, saying: “Dear Wolfie, Do come along on my next duck-shoot. Bring your own first-aid box and ambulance. Yours ever, Creepyveep. RSVP.”
A darning needle and thread.
A free pass to the AIPAC 'man of the year' event.
A 'Jimmy Olsen' watch to call for help from Superman when in trouble.
A few shrunken Iraqui heads
Ditto a collection of heads from Afghanistan, Kosovo, Sierra Leone and Somalia etc.
A Merkin comb - dual purpose.
Just wait ole Anticant will soon be trying to tell us that the fox has positive attributes.
just wait.
Fan Like Fanny has e-mailed me. She insists that she is already working well for THE BURROW. I am an asset she said.
But apparently the bad Beadle is coming-on in very strange ways.
watch this space.
Always suspected that the beadle was constantly erect, firm and at the ready.
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